So, you’ve decided you might need sex therapy.

Or, more accurately, you have opened an incognito browser and typed something like:

Best sex therapist Ontario.

Sex therapy near me.

Is sex therapy weird?

Do I need sex therapy?

Why don’t I want sex anymore?

How do I fix my sex life?

And eventually, you find us.

You start reading the Tri Health Clinic website and realize that we work with the exact thing you’ve been quietly freaking out about for the last six months—or six years.

Your heart rate decreases slightly.

Then you click the contact form.

And your heart rate immediately goes back up.

Because now you have to tell another human being about it.

Welcome to sex therapy.

If you’ve never talked openly about sex before, starting sex therapy can feel incredibly vulnerable. You may have spent years avoiding certain words, hiding symptoms from partners, wondering whether you’re normal, or convincing yourself that whatever is happening will eventually sort itself out.

And now we’re asking you to fill out a questionnaire about it.

We know.

So here’s exactly what you can expect when you start sex therapy at Tri Health Clinic—and, importantly, what you absolutely do not need to worry about.

What is sex therapy?

Let’s get the biggest misconception out of the way first.

Sex therapy is therapy.

It is talk therapy that focuses specifically on sexuality, sexual functioning, intimacy and relationships.

You might come to sex therapy because you have low sexual desire. Maybe erections have become unreliable. Maybe sex hurts. Maybe you’ve never had an orgasm. Maybe you and your partner want wildly different amounts of sex. Maybe sex has become so stressful that you’ve basically stopped having it.

Or maybe nothing is technically “wrong,” but you know sex could be better.

All of those are legitimate reasons to see a sex therapist.

At Tri Health Clinic, sex therapy is evidence-based psychotherapy delivered by regulated health professionals with specialized training in sexuality and sexual health. Our clinic works with individuals and couples across Ontario, virtually, as well as in person at our Kingston office.

And despite what the name apparently leads some people to imagine, there is one very important thing you need to know.

Do you actually have sex during sex therapy?

NO.

Capital letters.

Bold.

Underline it mentally.

There is no sex in sex therapy.

There is no nudity.

There is no sexual touching between clients in our offices.

Your therapist does not touch you sexually.

You do not demonstrate sexual techniques.

This is not pornography. It is not sex work. It is psychotherapy.

I want to emphasize this because an older colleague once told me one of my favourite sex-therapy stories.

He had been working with a couple using sensate focus, a classic sex therapy intervention that involves gradually rebuilding comfort with physical touch while reducing the pressure around sexual performance.

The couple had been progressing through the exercises for months.

Then one day, my colleague walked into the waiting room and only the husband was there.

And he was pissed.

His wife wasn’t coming.

The next step was completely inappropriate. Disgusting, actually. He couldn’t believe the therapist expected them to do this.

The therapist was baffled.

They’d been discussing this for months. They’d been doing incredibly well.

They went back and forth in a sort of increasingly angry Who’s on First? routine until finally the therapist stopped him.

“Wait. Tell me exactly what you think is supposed to happen.”

The husband thought the next step involved having sex in the therapist’s office.

It did not.

Which does raise the separate question of why the hell the husband still showed up.

But anyway.

You are not having sex in our office.

Any behavioural exercises involving sexuality or touch happen privately, outside therapy, with clear instructions and only when they are appropriate and consensual.

Then we talk about what happened.

What happens during your first sex therapy appointment?

First, you’re probably going to be nervous.

Really nervous.

If you’re coming to our Kingston office, you may sit in the waiting room wondering what possessed you to make this appointment.

If you’re doing virtual sex therapy somewhere else in Ontario, you may hide in the most private corner of your house, check that nobody is home, close the door, check again, put headphones on and wonder whether your neighbour can somehow hear through three walls.

Then your therapist appears.

And you’re thinking:

Oh God. When are they going to ask me about THE THING?

Usually, not immediately.

We’ll start by reviewing consent. We’ll talk about confidentiality. We’ll ask some broader questions about you, your health, your relationships and what brought you to therapy.

We’re easing you in.

Then, yes.

Eventually we’re going to talk about sex.

And sometimes we’re going to ask you really blunt questions.

Questions nobody has ever asked you before.

Questions that might make you think:

Jesus Christ, we’re just saying that word out loud?

Yep.

And then something interesting often happens.

You look at your therapist’s face.

They’re not horrified.

They’re not scandalized.

They’re not trying not to laugh.

They’re curious.

For you, this may be the first time you’ve said this sentence to another human being.

For us, talking about erections, orgasms, vulvas, penises, masturbation, sexual fantasies, desire, pain and arousal is basically like talking about a spaghetti recipe.

It’s Tuesday.

And that can be incredibly calming.

Do I have to tell my sex therapist everything?

No.

You don’t have to disclose everything in your first appointment.

You don’t have to answer every question immediately.

You don’t have to produce your entire sexual autobiography because somebody asked you a question.

Sometimes people need time.

That’s okay.

Our job is partly to help determine what information is actually clinically useful.

Sometimes clients are so anxious that they provide enormous amounts of very specific sexual detail because they genuinely don’t know what’s relevant.

We’ll gently tell you when we have enough.

Other times we may need more information to understand what’s happening, and we’ll gently ask.

You aren’t expected to know where that line is.

That’s our job.

If something feels too much, we can slow down.

What kinds of problems does sex therapy help with?

People come to sex therapy for an enormous range of reasons.

At Tri Health Clinic, that includes concerns like low sexual desire, differences in desire between partners, erectile difficulties and performance anxiety, painful sex, vaginismus or dyspareunia, orgasm difficulties, sexual concerns associated with illness or medical treatment, menopause and postpartum changes, intimacy difficulties, sexual anxiety and relationship concerns.

But you don’t need a diagnosis.

You also don’t need to be in crisis.

Sometimes the reason is simply:

Sex isn’t working the way I want it to.

That’s enough.

 

What does sex therapy actually involve?

This is where people are sometimes surprised.

Sex therapy can look incredibly different depending on what you need.

Sometimes sex therapy involves taking sex completely off the table.

Yes.

You come to us because you’re not having enough sex and your sex therapist says:

“Cool. Stop trying to have sex.”

It sounds insane.

But if sex has become associated with anxiety, pressure, disappointment, pain, rejection or the constant fear that your body isn’t going to “work,” trying harder isn’t necessarily helpful.

Sometimes we need to remove the performance demand and start again.

That’s where an intervention like sensate focus may come in.

You might begin with non-sexual touch. You’re not trying to get turned on. You’re not trying to orgasm. You’re not trying to make anything happen.

You’re learning to pay attention again.

Sometimes homework is even simpler.

Maybe you are so uncomfortable talking about your body that your homework is literally to stand in front of a mirror and practice saying:

Penis.

Or:

Vulva.

That’s it.

Because if you can’t say the word without wanting to crawl out of your skin, asking you to have a detailed conversation with your partner about what feels good might be jumping ahead a few chapters.

Other times, yes, your homework might involve sexual activity.

But therapy is always paced collaboratively, with clear boundaries, consent and attention to what you’re actually ready for.

Is sex therapy right for me?

Here’s a question I like better than:

“Is my problem bad enough for sex therapy?”

Ask yourself:

“Is something about my sexual life bothering me enough that I’d like it to be different?”

If yes, sex therapy may be useful.

You don’t need to wait until you haven’t had sex in three years.

You don’t need to wait until your partner threatens to leave.

You don’t need to prove that your erection problem is sufficiently severe, that your desire is sufficiently low or that your pain is sufficiently awful.

And you don’t have to know whether the problem is psychological, physical, relational or sexual before you contact us.

In fact, sexual concerns are very often influenced by multiple systems at once.

Bodies matter.

Hormones matter.

Medication matters.

Relationships matter.

Stress matters.

Learning matters.

Culture matters.

Past experiences matter.

Context matters.

That’s one of the reasons good sex therapy requires more than just knowing a few sex tips.

Can I go to sex therapy alone, or does my partner have to come?

Both are options.

Sex therapy can be individual or couples-based.

If you’re partnered and the sexual concern exists within the relationship, we may strongly encourage your partner to participate because sexuality doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Tri Health Clinic’s current sex therapy information specifically notes that sexual difficulties often exist within a relational context and encourages partner involvement where appropriate.

But that doesn’t mean you can’t seek help individually.

Sometimes individual sex therapy makes perfect sense.

Our intake coordinator can help figure out what is most appropriate when you reach out.

How much does sex therapy cost in Ontario?

Sex therapy in Ontario is generally offered privately rather than through OHIP. Tri Health Clinic is a private clinic, and our services are not OHIP-covered.

The exact cost depends on the clinician you’re seeing, their regulated profession, the type and length of appointment, and whether you’re working with a clinician under supervision.

And this is important: sex therapy isn’t supposed to be a weekly subscription for the rest of your life.

We are not a gym membership.

You don’t need to keep paying us forever in order to maintain your gains.

At Tri Health Clinic, our goal is to get fired.

Seriously.

We want you to learn what you need, make meaningful changes and eventually realize:

Wait. I don’t think I need you anymore.

Fantastic.

Get out.

Lovingly.

 

How do I know if a sex therapist is actually qualified?

Okay.

This section matters.

Because here’s something most people searching for sex therapy in Ontario don’t know:

Sex therapy is not itself a regulated health profession or regulated sub-discipline in Ontario.

In other words, the words sex therapist alone don’t necessarily tell you very much about someone’s underlying professional qualifications.

ASTO—the Association of Sex Therapy in Ontario, formerly BESTCO—explicitly points this out. ASTO developed certification standards because sex therapy itself isn’t a regulated sub-discipline. Its certification pathway includes graduate-level sex therapy education, sexual attitude reassessment training, clinical intervention training, supervised sex therapy experience and ongoing engagement with sex therapy research.

So when you’re looking for a sex therapist in Ontario, ask questions.

What is their regulated profession?

What specialized education do they have in sexuality?

Who supervises or consults on their work?

What models do they use?

How do they stay current with research?

Do they actually specialize in sexual health—or does their Psychology Today profile simply have a checkmark beside “sexual issues”?

Because these are not necessarily the same thing.

Why choose Tri Health Clinic for sex therapy in Ontario?

Okay, I’m going to brag about my team for a minute.

We are sex nerds.

Like, actual nerds.

Tri Health Clinic is a psychologist-led interdisciplinary clinic specializing in sex therapy and couples therapy. Our clinicians are regulated health professionals, and our clinical work is built around evidence-based assessment and treatment rather than whatever happens to be trending on Instagram this week.

We read research.

We attend conferences.

We do specialized training.

We consult with one another.

We have internal clinical education and supervision.

We maintain a library of books, treatment resources and clinical tools.

And members of our team are connected with organizations devoted specifically to advancing the science and clinical practice of sexuality.

The Society for Sex Therapy and Research (SSTAR) exists specifically to bring sexual-health research and clinical practice together. Full clinical membership requires professional licensure and substantial experience treating sexual concerns; SSTAR’s stated mission includes advancing the field through research, clinical practice, collaboration and continuing education.

The International Academy of Sex Research (IASR) is an international scientific society devoted to high standards of scholarship and research in sexual behaviour and disseminates research through its scientific meetings and Archives of Sexual Behavior.

And here in Ontario, the Association of Sex Therapy in Ontario (ASTO) establishes training, competency and certification standards specifically for sex therapy.

Our clinic director, Dr. Jenn Bossio, is a Clinical and Health Psychologist whose PhD research focused on men’s sexual health and who holds adjunct faculty appointments at Queen’s University in Urology, Gynecology and Psychology. Our Senior Clinical Lead, Dr. Jackie Huberman, is also a Clinical and Health Psychologist and an active sexual-health researcher whose work focuses on sexual response, sexual wellbeing and relationships.

Our clinicians aren’t just consuming sexual-health research.

Members of our team have conducted it, published it, presented it, trained in it and contributed to the field.

That matters to us.

There is a lot of information about sex out there.

Some of it is excellent.

Some of it is harmless.

And some of it is, scientifically speaking, woo-woo bullshit.

We use science to help people have better sex.

That’s our thing.

What happens after I contact a sex therapist at Tri Health Clinic?

You fill out our confidential questionnaire.

You feel slightly squidgy about having written some of those answers down.

You hit submit.

And then you go live your life and try not to think about what you’ve just done.

Our intake coordinator reviews what you’re looking for and works to match you with a clinician whose expertise fits your concern.

You read their profile approximately seventeen times.

You wonder:

Will this person get it?

Are they going to think I’m weird?

What if they’ve never heard this before?

Then you have your first appointment.

You’re nervous.

You start talking.

Eventually your therapist asks you a question that makes you want to disappear into the furniture.

You answer it.

And they nod.

Maybe they ask another question.

And slowly, you realize:

Oh.

I can talk about this here.

That’s usually where the real work starts.

Looking for sex therapy in Ontario? Start here.

You don’t need to know exactly what’s wrong before you contact us.

You don’t need a diagnosis.

You don’t need the perfect words.

And you definitely don’t need to become comfortable talking about sex before coming to sex therapy.

That’s sort of what we’re here for.

Tri Health Clinic provides specialized, evidence-based sex therapy across Ontario, virtually, with in-person sex therapy in Kingston. Our intake team matches clients based on their needs and our current process aims to get new clients into an intake quickly.

So fill out the form.

Feel weird about it.

Read your therapist’s profile seventeen times.

Show up nervous.

We’ll take it from there.

Book your sex therapy intake with Tri Health Clinic