Living with a chronic illness can present numerous challenges, and one area that often gets affected is sex and intimacy. Whether you are dealing with cancer, stroke, spinal cord injury, diabetes, chronic pain, sex is the one topic that rarely gets brought up during medical appointments when there are just so many other pressure issues to manage in your health. But we know that sexual health is a fundamentally important part of chronic illness management.
The physical and emotional toll of a chronic illness can disrupt sexual functioning and create barriers to maintaining pre-illness levels of sexual performance and satisfaction.
While it can be difficult to talk about these disruptions, doing so is the best way to identify strategies that can cultivate sexual joy and reconnect individuals with their bodies and their partners.
Below, you will find insights and strategies that will help individuals and couples navigate the complexities of maintaining sex and intimacy while managing a chronic illness.
Navigating Challenges: Strategies for Maintaining Sex and Intimacy with a Chronic Illness
Chronic illness can disrupt many aspects of life, and learning to adjust after diagnosis or treatment can be difficult. But significant change can often force us to find new ways of being and interacting with the people in our lives.
Chronic illness may prevent individuals from experiencing sex as they once did. But these changes do not mean that sex and intimacy can no longer be a part of life.
Here is our advice on how to reconnect and reintroduce sexual intimacy to one’s experience.
Understanding the Impact of Chronic Illness on Sexuality
Living with a chronic illness can significantly impact sexual health, affecting individuals both physically and emotionally.
The physical symptoms associated with chronic illnesses, such as pain, fatigue, physical changes to our appearance, or reduced mobility, can pose challenges and make engaging in sexual activity uncomfortable or difficult. These limitations can affect one’s ability to participate in desired sexual acts or positions, leading to frustration and feelings of inadequacy.
Chronic illnesses can take a toll on emotional well-being, leading to conditions such as depression, anxiety, body image issues, or even deep grief. These emotional factors can directly impact sexual desire and arousal, making it harder for individuals to engage in sexual intimacy with their partners. Feelings of self-consciousness, worry, or fear of pain can create barriers to expressing and exploring one’s sexuality. Changes to relationship dynamics as a partner may take more of a care-taker role than even before can also be challenging to maintaining sexual intimacy.
Acknowledging and validating the impact of chronic illness on sexuality is crucial for all involved parties. It helps create a safe and understanding environment where open communication can thrive.
By recognizing the challenges and offering support and empathy, partners can work together to find ways to navigate obstacles and maintain a fulfilling and intimate connection.
It is essential to approach the topic with sensitivity and a willingness to adapt, ensuring that both partners feel heard and respected in their experiences.
Communication and Emotional Support
Open and honest communication is vital for maintaining intimacy, especially when dealing with a chronic illness.
Expressing concerns, fears, and desires regarding the sexual relationship creates a safe and supportive space. Discussing expectations, boundaries, and adjustments alleviates anxiety and fosters emotional closeness. Sometimes we are able to do this with our partner. Sometimes, we just need the safety and privacy of a therapist’s office, so we can process all of these elements of our experience without feeling like even more of a burden to those we love.
Sex therapy can help you and your partner (if you have one) to adapt sexual expectations to the realities of the illness and explore new avenues of intimacy. Regular check-ins and ongoing communication ensure that both partners’ needs are met, allowing the relationship to evolve and thrive despite the challenges faced. And don’t be left thinking that all of these changes need to be “just making due”. Many individuals and couples actually report that their sex lives expanded in new and exciting ways that they never anticipated prior to illness or injury.
Educate Yourself and Seek Professional Guidance
Understanding the impact of chronic illness on sexual functioning can go a long way. Educate yourselves about the challenges you may face. Seek guidance from a couples therapist or sex therapist that specializes in working with individuals managing chronic illnesses. These professionals can offer tailored strategies and support to address your unique needs and concerns.
A therapist will help you develop coping mechanisms and communication strategies, explore alternative forms of intimacy, and manage the emotional impact of the illness on your sexual relationship. Their expertise will be valuable in maintaining a healthy and satisfying sex life while addressing the realities of chronic illness.
Adapt and Explore New Forms of Intimacy
When facing physical limitations, exploring alternative ways to experience intimacy and pleasure is important… and can be really exciting! Human brains require novelty for sexual arousal, and what is more novel than learning how your body works in this new stage of life. Remember, good sex is not solely about penetrative intercourse; it involves having an evolving and varied menu of activities to choose from.
Experiment with sensual massages, kissing, cuddling, or exploring erogenous zones less affected by the illness or injury. Be open to trying new things while adapting to the current circumstances. Allow difficult feelings to come up, but also make space for excitement and intrigue!
Manage Physical Symptoms
Finding ways to manage physical symptoms can significantly enhance sexual experiences. Prioritize self-care and work closely with healthcare providers to effectively manage pain, fatigue, or other symptoms hindering sexual activity. Have realistic expectations for your body and work within those limits (your body and brain will thank you!)
Medication adjustments, physical therapy, or lifestyle modifications can help manage symptoms and improve sexual functioning. Seek medical advice and explore options that suit your individual needs.
Integrate Sensate Focus Exercises
Sensate focus exercises, developed by Masters and Johnson (and popularized by Linda Weiner and Constance Avery-Clark), can be a valuable tool for couples dealing with a chronic illness.
These exercises involve exploring touch and sensuality without the pressure of sexual performance or orgasm. These exercises allow partners to rediscover pleasure, enhance intimacy, and foster communication. It can be particularly helpful when dealing with changes in sexual functioning or heightened anxiety surrounding sex; common side effects of chronic illness or injury.
Address Emotional and Mental Health
Chronic illnesses often take a toll on mental and emotional well-being. Prioritizing mental health through therapy, counselling, or support groups can positively impact sexual functioning and intimacy.
Addressing anxiety, depression, body image issues, grief, or low self-esteem can lead to a more satisfying sexual relationship. Encourage each other to seek individual therapy when needed and consider attending therapy sessions together as a couple.
Patience, Compassion, and Self-Care
Managing a chronic illness requires patience and compassion for oneself and one’s partner, as there may be fluctuations in sexual desire and functioning due to the illness or its treatment.
Avoid placing blame or feeling guilty for any limitations experienced. Prioritize self-care to maintain overall well-being and actively support your partner in their self-care journey as well.
Celebrate Intimacy in New Ways
Lastly, it’s vital to celebrate intimacy in all forms, regardless of the challenges posed by chronic illness.
Find joy in the emotional connection, the shared vulnerability, and the intimate moments of tenderness. Explore non-sexual acts of intimacy, such as deep conversations, shared hobbies, or simply spending quality time together. Celebrating these moments can strengthen your bond and maintain a sense of closeness.
Nurturing Well-Being and Supporting Your Partner
While living with a chronic illness can pose challenges to maintaining sex and intimacy, it is possible to nurture a fulfilling and satisfying sexual relationship.
Open communication, understanding, and a willingness to adapt and explore new forms of intimacy are crucial (and can be fun!). Seeking professional guidance and managing physical and emotional well-being are significant steps in this journey. Remember, with patience, compassion, and creativity, couples can maintain a solid and intimate connection, even in the face of chronic illness.
When you are ready to take the first step toward reclaiming your sexual and intimate connection, contact Tri Health Clinic in Kingston to speak with a sex therapist to receive personalized, judgement-free support and guidance in navigating the challenges of chronic illness to your intimate relationships. Your journey toward intimacy begins with reaching out for professional assistance.