“Why can’t I last as long as the men I see in porn?”
“Was it supposed to be that quick?”
“I come too fast”
“…Is it going to happen again this time?”
“I’m disappointing myself… and my partner…”
PREMATURE EJACULATION? YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
According to the American Urological Association, premature ejaculation is one of the most common types of sexual dysfunction in men, impacting approximately 30-40% of men. The National Health and Social Life Survey shows that 21% of men ages 18 to 59 in the United States experience early ejaculation, but depending on the study, that number can be as high as 40%. In other words, if you feel like you come too quickly, you are far from alone.
WHAT CAUSES EARLY EJACULATION?
Early ejaculation can be caused by a number of things. One of the important parts of diagnosing early ejaculation is acknowledging the huge impact is can have on men and their relationships. If you are seeing a sex therapist for this problem, your clinician will worry less about the exact amount of time it takes for ejaculation to occur, and instead focus more on the amount of distress that it causes you, your partner, and your relationship.
The reason that we don’t worry all that much about the length of time ejaculation takes is because it can vary widely depending on a whole bunch of factors! But something to keep in mind is that “typical” ejaculation occurs much sooner than it does in the porn you watch. You sex therapist will hardly bat an eye if ejaculation takes around one to five minutes.
That’s right… For a healthy man, ejaculation can take somewhere between one and five minutes. That’s it!
However, if you are expecting yourself to last much longer, or if you are lasting much less than 60 seconds, this distress can really start to impact sex. Men start to hyper focus on how long it will take to ejaculate. They may start becoming more distant from their partner because they feel a sense of shame, or they are not performing well enough. Men may start avoiding sex all together.
HOW TO STOP EARLY EJACULATION
There are some medications that are known to help delay ejaculation, such as serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SRIs) or topical anesthetics (numbing creams). However, at the Tri Health Clinic, we tend to find that this is only a short-term solution. You don’t want to have to numb your penis every time you have sex, do you? And SRI’s can have other sexual impacts, such as lowering libido. At the Tri Health Clinic, we want to find long-lasting solutions, not short-term fixes. You can get started today by contacting us for your initial consultation.
In order to really fix the problem, we focus on mindfulness and sex therapy techniques, such as the Start-Stop method. We find that by shifting the focus away from performance and instead focus on enjoyment, ejaculation can start to take longer, and sex becomes much more enjoyable. Who can have fun when they’re focused on their impending failure the whole time, anyways??
READ MORE ABOUT IT…
Are you interested in understanding some of the ways that we treat premature ejaculation? Check out this recent article from Giddy that interviews Dr. Jenn Bossio about how we use the Start-Stop Method in our clinic.
DR. JENN BOSSIO, C. Psych is a psychologist and sex therapist servicing anywhere in Ontario (virtually). She offers in-person appointments to Kingston and the surrounding areas including Bellville, Napanee, Brockville. She works with individuals and couples to help make their sex lives better over all. She uses mindfulness in her work to treat sexual health problems, and as a tool to improve overall mental wellness. Read more about her here.