Anorgasmia can be a source of frustration and distress for both individuals and couples.

It is more common than you might think and can affect individuals of all orientations and genders. However, effective strategies and approaches are available to address anorgasmia and enhance overall sexual satisfaction, offering hope and solutions to those experiencing this challenge.

What is Anorgasmia?

Anorgasmia is a sexual dysfunction characterized by the consistent inability to reach orgasm, even when sexual stimulation is sufficient and arousing. As mentioned above, anorgasmia can affect individuals of all genders and sexual orientations.

To truly understand anorgasmia, it’s essential to recognize that orgasm is not merely a reflexive muscle contraction; it’s a mental event of intense pleasure and release.

Understanding the Stages of the Sexual Response Cycle

Before we discuss how to address anorgasmia, let’s briefly review the stages of the sexual response cycle, which can help identify where difficulties may arise.

Reasons for sex:

There are many different reasons people cite for having sex, from feeling desire, wanting to feel close to their partner, or even trying to keep the peace in the relationship.

Reasons for sex tend to fall into two categories. The first, are approach reasons, which include feelings of closeness, wanting to show affection, or wanting to feel attractive. The second group, includes avoidance reasons, like wanting to prevent fights or discord in the relationship.

Generally speaking, approach reasons for sex are more likely than avoidance reasons to result in a pleasurable experience.


Sexual stimuli play a critical role in arousal. These are the things that really get the cycle started.

Sexual stimuli can include mental images/sights, sounds, physical sensations, smells, and sometimes even tastes.


The sexual stimuli start the sexual response but for this response to continue, there needs to be a safe and comfortable context for the sex.

For a sexual response to ignite, both the relationship and physical context need to be right. Think about it, it may be difficult to experience arousal in the middle of an argument with your partner. Or, if you’re worried about getting caught or feeling under the weather, it can be hard to get in the mood.


While people tend to focus on the genitals, the brain is the largest sex organ in the body. The brain interprets feedback from the mind and the body which signals arousal or not.

When we are healthy and feeling good, arousal is easier to achieve. But that can change over time, too. Arousal looks different in our 20s than does in our 80s.

When we talk about the mind, we are specifically talking about psychological factors. Our mood, stress level, anxiety, work or family distractions, and more, can limit our ability to experience arousal.

Sexual arousal:

By satisfying the above elements, sexual arousal is more likely to occur.

Sexual arousal can be complicated because it can be physical and/or mental and those elements do not always go hand in hand. It is possible to experience mental arousal without a physical response and vice versa.

Physical arousal can include things like vaginal lubrication, erection, engorgement of the genitals, increased heartbeat, rapid breath, flushed skin, etc.

Mental arousal can include feeling turned on and aroused.

Responsive or “triggered” desire:

Sexual desire is not necessarily a spontaneous occurrence. It is often triggered by the elements listed above.

Many of us have had this experience. We are going about our business and not thinking about sex when a partner approaches and begins initiation. With the right stimuli and context, before you know it, you are feeling the urge and desire for sex.

Positive outcomes:

No matter what sex looks like for you, it comes with many positive outcomes. These outcomes help us stay motivated to engage in sexual activity again in the future.

Spontaneous desire:

Spontaneous desire can kick the sexual response cycle into high gear. It can occur at any stage in the cycle.

Fortunately, the cycle can continue without it, and given that spontaneous desire can decrease as we age, this is good news for everyone.


The whole sexual response cycle begins in a neutral state.

Unlike other animals, we do not often engage in sex whenever and wherever an opportunity presents itself. To get the cycle started, we must be willing to engage.

How to Treat Anorgasmia

Now, let’s explore some strategies for treating anorgasmia:

Explore the Reasons for Sex

Understanding why you engage in sexual activity can be crucial. Emotional intimacy, connection, and pleasure should be the primary motivations rather than focusing solely on achieving orgasm.

Prioritizing these aspects can cultivate a more fulfilling, meaningful, or gratifying sexual experience with your partner.

Attend to Sexy Stimuli

Enhance arousal by exploring fantasies, erotica, or sexual stimuli that resonate with you.

Open communication with your partner about your desires can also be beneficial. Each person’s preferences are unique, so encouraging a non-judgmental and understanding environment for discussing and experimenting with fantasies can significantly enrich your sexual experiences together.

Create a Positive Context

A safe and comfortable environment is essential for sexual satisfaction. Remove distractions, set the mood, and prioritize relaxation and intimacy.

Investing time in creating the right atmosphere not only enhances the physical aspects of sex but also strengthens emotional bonds, leading to more fulfilling and enjoyable sexual connections.

Mind-Body Relaxation

Both the mind and body need to be relaxed for orgasm to occur.

Practice relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga to reduce anxiety and stress.

These practices not only help in achieving orgasm but also contribute to overall sexual well-being and mental health, allowing for a more enjoyable and satisfying sex life.

Address Pelvic Floor Dysfunction

Characterized by overly tight pelvic muscles, pelvic floor dysfunction, can interfere with orgasm.

Essentially, these muscles are so tight that the typical contractions experienced during orgasm are not possible, leading instead to a sensation of overstimulation or pain.

Consult a healthcare professional or physiotherapist for guidance on pelvic floor exercises and relaxation techniques. These experts can provide personalized strategies to help you achieve a balanced and healthy pelvic floor, thereby improving sexual function.

Focus on the Mental Event of Pleasure

Remember that orgasm is a mental event of pleasure, not just a reflexive muscle contraction. Shift your focus from the physical act to the sensations and emotions of the experience.

By immersing yourself in the moment and embracing the emotional and psychological aspects of pleasure, you can enhance your overall sexual satisfaction and connection with your partner.

Seeking Professional Help for Anorgasmia

If anorgasmia persists despite trying these strategies, it may be beneficial to consult a sex therapist or couples counselor.

Therapists can provide specialized guidance and exercises to address issues contributing to anorgasmia. It is important to remember that you are not alone, and help is available to improve your sexual satisfaction and overall well-being.

While working with a therapist can effectively address anorgasmia, you should remember that sometimes medical factors may contribute to this condition.

Consulting a physician who specializes in sexual health can be a valuable step in your journey toward resolving anorgasmia. These medical professionals can collaborate with your therapist to create a comprehensive approach tailored to your specific needs.

Anorgasmia can have many causes, including:

1. Psychological Factors: Depression, anxiety, and an inability to relax during sexual relations can contribute to anorgasmia.

Therapists can provide support in managing these psychological factors.

2. Medical Conditions: Anorgasmia can also be related to underlying medical conditions such as diabetes, Parkinson’s disease, multiple sclerosis, chemotherapy, pelvic trauma, hormonal imbalances, hysterectomy, spinal cord injury, childbirth trauma, vulvodynia, and cardiovascular disease.

3. Medications: Inclusive of all genders, a common cause of situational anorgasmia is using antidepressant medications like Prozac, Paxil, and Lexapro, among others.

4. Substance Use: The use of drugs or alcohol during sexual activity can also contribute to anorgasmia.

By consulting both a therapist and a physician, you can address the multifaceted nature of anorgasmia, ensuring that emotional, psychological, and medical factors are taken into account.

Embracing a Fulfilling Sexual Life

Anorgasmia is a treatable condition; individuals and couples can overcome it with the right approach and support.

Understanding the stages of the sexual response cycle, addressing pelvic floor dysfunction, and focusing on the mental aspects of pleasure are critical steps.

Additionally, seeking professional help from sex therapists and counselors can provide valuable guidance and interventions, ensuring you have the necessary tools to improve your chances of achieving orgasm.

At The TriHealth Clinic, our team of therapists provide a safe and comfortable environment for you to address experiences with anorgasmia or whatever other concerns you may have.

Reach out today to book an appointment and begin reconnecting with your pleasure.