Sexuality is a big part of the human experience. And a healthy understanding of relationships, sex, and our bodies plays a critical role in an overall sense of happiness and well-being.
Unfortunately, there are many common sexual myths, some of which have existed for a very long time, that can get in the way of couples and individuals experiencing a fulfilling sex life. In fact, some of these myths can be downright harmful.
Persistent as they are, these sexual myths fall apart when facts are applied. No one should suffer or feel inadequate because of a commonly held falsehood or misunderstanding.
To help shed a little light on the subject, we’ve put together a list of some of the most commonly held sexual myths and dispelled each one by offering insight and advice.
Here is what you need to know to not only understand your own sexual beliefs but to strike back against these myths when you hear them repeated in day-to-day life.
Common Sexual Myths: Debunked
Myth: Good Sex Should Be Spontaneous and Effortless
Contrary to what popular culture often portrays, good sex does not always happen spontaneously and effortlessly.
This common sexual myth can create unrealistic expectations, leading individuals and couples to believe something is inherently wrong with them or their relationship if their sexual encounters require planning or effort.
The truth is that sexual intimacy, like any other aspect of a relationship, requires communication, exploration, and sometimes even a bit of trial and error.
Healthy sexual relationships involve open conversations about desires, boundaries, and fantasies. Planning and scheduling intimate moments can enhance anticipation and excitement.
Creating a conducive environment, prioritizing self-care, and exploring new experiences can help cultivate a satisfying and fulfilling sex life.
Myth: Great Sex is All About Technique
Another commonly held myth is that great sex solely depends on mastering a set of specialized techniques. While technique can play a role, the true foundation of great sex lies in emotional connection, trust, and mutual understanding between partners.
In the realm of relationships, unlocking the secrets to satisfying sexual experiences goes beyond mere technique. True fulfillment in intimacy requires a delicate interplay of factors, including effective communication and emotional vulnerability. These components are necessary to maintain connections. Prioritizing them can pave the way to profound and meaningful sexual experiences.
Cultivating a deeper understanding of our bodies and partners’ desires is important. Encouraging exploration, trying new things, and providing a safe space for experimentation can help individuals and couples discover what pleases them.
Great sex is not a one-size-fits-all concept; it is unique to each person’s dynamics and preferences. Even outside of a relationship, understanding one’s wants and needs, and knowing how to communicate them, can go a lot further toward gratifying sexual encounters than mastering some sort of technique or move.
Myth: Sexual Performance Determines Masculinity
Another common sexual myth revolves around the notion that masculinity is closely tied to sexual performance. This myth places undue pressure on men to perform a certain way and can lead to anxiety, stress, and feelings of inadequacy. Challenging this misconception and redefining masculinity more inclusively and holistically is vital.
While sexual performance can matter, it’s more important to emphasize that sexual satisfaction goes beyond performance alone. Erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation, for example, are very real concerns, but experiencing them does not have any actual bearing on masculinity. In fact, these sexual concerns often arise as a direct result of putting too much pressure on the penis to perform. And the penis hates nothing more than performance pressure.
By shifting the focus from performance to pleasure and mutual satisfaction, individuals and couples can create a healthier and more fulfilling sexual dynamic.
Myth: Men Always Want Sex, Women Don’t
Stereotypical portrayals often perpetuate the myth that men are always ready for sex while women are less interested.
This is an oversimplification that fails to take into account the complexity of sexual desires, attraction, and interests among individuals, regardless of gender.
Sexual desire can vary from person to person and may even change from day to day. It can be influenced by stress, hormones, health, life circumstances, and relationship dynamics.
Further, the leading sexual health science has shown us that sexual desire is triggered; it doesn’t “just happen”. So this sexual myth can be particularly damaging to both men and women because it is completely at odds with how sexual desire actually works. If men expect it to “just happen”, then there will be little motivation to cultivate desire if it’s not showing up. And if women expect to just have low desire, they are likely to be left feeling like there is nothing they can do to build up desire. Instead, this myth leaves both men and women feeling sexually broken.
Changes in the level of desire are entirely common and not based on one’s gender. Acknowledging these facts can be useful in understanding that there is no prescribed way to experience desire or sexual appetite. Failure to fit into the stereotypes this myth perpetuates is not necessarily the sign of a problem.
Within relationships, navigating differences in sexual desire can be complicated. Open and respectful conversations about desire, arousal, and expectations can be the path forward.
These discussions can create empathy and understanding, allowing you both to get a better grasp on the natural ebbs and flows of your relationship and your lives as individuals. With that understanding, new mutual expectations can be set, and better sexual dynamics can follow.
Myth: Having More Sex Solves Relationship Issues
While sexual intimacy can strengthen the emotional bond between partners, it is not a magic solution to underlying relationship issues. Using sex as a band-aid for unresolved conflicts or emotional distance can be counterproductive and may lead to further disconnection.
Sex can certainly be fun, but the rush it creates can further complicate relationship issues. Sex can create a glow that makes everything feel like it is resolved when the reality is that the underlying problem has not been addressed at all.
Once again, couples experiencing relationship issues would be better served by honest communication and couples therapy. Prioritizing the overall health of the relationship can only improve the situation, creating a happier and healthier relationship and even more fulfilling sex life.
Myth: Women Should Orgasm Easily and Every Time
One of the more common sexual myths is that women should orgasm effortlessly, repeatedly, and consistently during sexual encounters.
But, the reality is that orgasmic response varies significantly between all individuals, women included. Factors such as stress, fatigue, body image, illness and medication, and even pain can influence a person’s ability to orgasm. Further, women are unlikely to experience orgasm through penetrative sex.
Current stats suggest that only 30% of women are capable of orgasm this way, and it only happens about 30% of the time. Orgasm function for women requires different activities than penetration. Instead, the clitorus requires stimulation through a large variety of potential sexual activities, like oral sex, manual stimulation, toys, etc.
It is important to note that not having an orgasm does not necessarily equate to bad sex. There is a wide spectrum of pleasure experiences, and orgasm is only one of them. But when we focus on orgasm as THE goal of sex, the amount of pressure we both put on ourselves makes orgasm even less likely!
And certainly, orgasm is a worthwhile goal, but energy is best spent creating a safe space to openly discuss and explore needs, fantasies, and desires. An understanding of where you or your partner is emotionally and what you both want and expect in a sexual relationship can make a world of difference.
Myth: Long-Term Relationships Equate to Boring Sex
There is a common belief that long-term relationships inevitably lead to boredom and declining sexual satisfaction.
While it is true that relationships evolve, frequency and type of sex may change, but that does not necessarily mean things have become monotonous and unfulfilling.
In fact, Canadian sex researcher, Dr. Peggy Kleinplatz, and her team have done a great deal of research on this topic. They find that sex is like a fine wine; it gets better with age. But that can only happen when couples incorporate flexibility and exploration into their long-term sexual relationships. They don’t stick to the same routine Every. Single. Time. They bring fun and excitement into the bedroom. They take time to communicate. They put effort into building a pleasurable sexual relationship, they don’t expect it to “just happen”.
Couples looking to “spice up” their relationship may want to discover new activities and explore their dreams and techniques together. By prioritizing sexual intimacy, being open to change, and investing in the emotional bond, couples can foster a vibrant and fulfilling sexual life that lasts a lifetime.
Dispel and Overcome Common Sexual Myths with the Tri Health Clinic
Common sexual myths are everywhere. Their perpetuation is found in television and movies, in books, in pornography, and all over the internet.
Like Dr. Bossio always says, learning how to have sex from watching porn is like learning how to drive by watching the Fast and the Furious franchise. It’s just not realistic.
These myths can create anxiety, doubt, disconnection, and even loneliness. But the good news is that these myths are not grounded in truth, and there are infinite ways to be a happy and healthy sexual individual or couple.
Challenging these myths and misconceptions is not easy, but by fostering openness and a willingness to learn, you can reach a place of fulfilment and understanding.
Depending on upbringing and past experiences, overcoming these myths may be easier for some than it is for others.
At the Tri Health Clinic, we believe in taking a holistic approach to sex and relationships. Using science-backed methodologies like mindfulness and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), we help our clients address their concerns in a safe and judgement-free environment.
We help individuals see the strengths they bring to the situation or to their relationships, giving them the strength and confidence they need to take a deeper look at any underlying difficulties that may exist.
Our team of dedicated and experienced professionals wants you to experience every single second of the pleasure you deserve.
Contact the Tri Health Clinic today to schedule a consultation or to learn more about our services and explore whether or not we are the right fit to help you get to where you want to go.